I’m literally waiting with bated breath for the arrival of our daughter. This pregnancy has taught me that we are not in control. We have a sense of control, but not really. We can’t make ourselves breathe. We can’t make our heart pump. We can’t cause the sun to shine or the Earth to move. We can’t stop all nuisances in our life even if we wanted. Life is unpredictable. We can pray and try to move God. We can stomp our feet and have a tantrum. We can give up or we can choose to move forward. Still, we can’t control all the moving pieces of our lives. Woosah. Take a deep breath. Accept that life is unpredictable and that’s ok.
I don't think things catch me by surprise. I'm just disappointed when people do certain things, because I expect better. I want people to be better. I want people to do better. I asked God a long time ago to help me with this journey because for several seasons I had to walk alone. I experienced loss of relationships.
People I trusted, people I confided in turned their backs on me....because they were supposed to..they served their purpose. They were supposed to leave. They were supposed to hurt me. They were supposed to disappoint me. I would have never grown. I would have never left. I would have never taken the first step. I would have never moved. I would have never started this journey.
We all play our parts. Every good story has a villain. To be honest, I'm sure I have been a villain in someone else's story. I hurt people. I disappointed them. I did not live up to their expectations. Being both a victim and victor gives you divine perspective. You are but a prayer away from being on either side of the spectrum. It's the grace of God that keeps you.
There has been a new trend of telling stories from the villain's perspective. In most of these stories, the villains are humanized. Their actions are justifiable. We are able to empathize with them. So, if by chance you feel attacked or maybe you're the one doing the attacking recognize the motive. Sometimes, we act out of character when our motives shift. Motives are the underlying reason for our behavior...good or bad.
We can never give enough, do enough good, help enough people to deserve God’s grace and favor. Every day we wake up is blessing. We can not do anything in our own strength. We have no control over our heart pumping blood through our body. We can’t control the air in our lungs. We exist because God allows it. Every day we experience God’s unmerited and undeserved favor, let’s not take it for granted.
unc·tion | \ ˈəŋ(k)-shən \
1: the act of anointing as a rite of consecration or healing
3a: religious or spiritual fervor or the expression of such fervor
b: exaggerated, assumed, or superficial earnestness of language or manner
I’ve learned that the unction of the holy spirit is more like a nudge than a push. It’s subtle. It’s slight. It’s suggestive. It is not forceful. It still leaves room for free will and choice. It’s a whisper. It’s a thought. It’s a suggestion. It’s direction. It’s still up to us to follow it. God will unction in small, subtle ways. Are you paying attention? Are you listening?
I’ve been really trying to figure out exactly what it will take for us to have a United front. We have experienced loss beyond measure. Our schools have been shot. Our children have been killed. Our women have been raped. Our husbands have become martyrs. We no longer feel safe in grocery stores, concert venues, traffic stops, and stadiums. Domestic terrorism is real. Its bigger than race, socioeconomic status, political affiliations, and religion. We all are victims. We all are affected. We all mourn. We all must unite. It is going to take all of us to demand the change we want to see in our country. We all must stand united to be the change we want to see in our country. Its bigger than us individually. If we don’t, we are leaving a legacy of violence for the next generation to inherit.
I think we’ve lost our sense of urgency. Our reaction time is delayed and its not until an emergency happens that we react. We are desensitized to the loss of human life. We are conditioned to expect the worst, simply because that’s all we’ve experienced. We've borderline lost our humanity, and that alone should trigger our sense of urgency. Children are dying in US sanctioned concentration camps. People loss their lives on a Saturday morning trip to Walmart, and we are acting like this is business as usual. Truthfully, maybe it is, but it shouldn't be. The alarm has sounded. We've got to do better. We need to recalibrate our sense of urgency.
I remember Lauren London saying that grief is the last act of love. Queen Elizabeth II, said, "grief is the price we pay for love." Since my mother's diagnosis, I have been forced to grieve the mother I once knew. I found myself in therapy to help me navigate a loss that technically hasn't occurred yet. I was not completely familiar with the term "ambiguous loss." It's basically experiencing loss without closure. Its complicated because it can often delay the process of grieving. Those who experience ambiguous loss could be the result of cognitive decline, like my mother, to a missing loved one, to an unresolved relationship. My challenge to you today is my challenge to myself. If this is something you are experiencing, give yourself room to feel. There will be good days, and there will be bad days. Enjoy every glimmer of hope. Remind yourself that in the end, the lessons and the love make it all worthwhile. Create a support system, and utilize them. This experience should not be navigated alone. You are not alone. Loss be it ambiguous or physical is a part of the human experience. Remember, that God's words says, "he will not leave nor forsake us. Death nor life can separate us from the love of God."