Grace

Grace is a often used as a theological term that refers to a divine influence that helps to inspire virtuous impulses and impart strength to endure trials and temptation. Grace is love and mercy given to us by God. It is not earned. It is given. Grace is unmerited. Grace is unconditional. Grace is inexhaustible. Grace is a gift that can be shared because it was extended to us freely. God’s grace is a gift we open daily.

Charity

1 Corinthians 13: 13

And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

First Corinthians 13 is a very popular book of the Bible that references love. Verses 4-8 specifically references the characteristics of love. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth. Does our love have the same characteristics? Do we have the same expectation of love? Is it long-suffering or short-tempered? Is our love jealous? Does our love have an ego? If love never fails, why are divorce rates climbing? Maybe what we call love is not love at all. Maybe what define as love doesn't meet God's standards.  Maybe it's time to re-evaluate our charity.  

Vow

 "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part"

Isn't it interesting that marriage requires you to agree to something before you have knowledge of it? Marriage makes you say, "yes" to the unknown. Most of us have a problem with this level of commitment. We want to weigh all of our options. We want to make an educated decision. We want to pick and choose our vows. Not possible. We will never know what the "worse" is, or what "poorer" really looks like. We can only value the gift of our spouse, and choose to honor our vows regardless. We have to remember our vows when challenges occur in our relationships. We have to "love and cherish till death do us part."

Loyalty

"Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses." -Ann Landers

There is a reason that wedding vows include "in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health." It speaks to the human condition. We are naturally selfish. We don't tend to put someone else's needs, wants, and desires before our own.  When things get rough, we innately want to leave. Loyalty is about ignoring our instincts. It is about being selfless. Loyalty is about enduring the vicissitudes of life. It's about mutual respect and love.   

Happily Ever After

I love all things Disney. I love Mickey Mouse. I have a collection of Minnie Mouse Ear Headbands. And while I love Disney, it is partially the reason why some of us have disillusions about love. Disney for all intents and purposes invented the fairytale and mass marketed it to little girls. We believed that "Someday our Prince would Come," and we would live "Happily Ever After." At least, that's how it worked out in the movies. Our parents didn't always remind us that it was "make believe." Some of us still have this notion that our "fairy godmother" is going to fix everything, so we can go to the ball. I'm not saying that your "happily ever after" won't happen. I am saying that you have to be realistic in your search and your expectations. Your Prince Charming might be a little sarcastic. Your Princess might have a little baggage. I'm saying that just because you're not married with kids doesn't mean you won't be. 

He looked at me and said aren’t you a little old to believe in fairytales?

And I looked at him and smiled…  and even though I wanted to yell …“no”

I explained to him that ever since we are little girls, we are taught to wait on our knight in shining armor,

Though they never told us that his armor might be a little tarnished

Or that in his search for you there were many other princesses who fit into your glass shoe

And that before sleeping with you he was sleeping with Beauty

Mama never told us that our Prince Charming just might be a Beast

And sometimes it easier for him to save a damsel in distress

Than to stress himself over our unrealistic expectations

To rescue us from towers of insecurities of our own creation

All because the last prince made promises he never intended to keep

I wanted to tell him that you’re never too old to believe in fairytales

As long as you know that nobody’s perfect

And happily ever after usually follows a slew of broken spells,

And some heartache and pain, and that’s just on the surface

That’s not all the soul searching or death defying tasks that only true love would ask

That’s not getting on bended knee with the possibility of you rejecting me, all in hopes loving eternally….

That’s not accepting your kids as my own, and making a home

That’s not forgiveness, or agreeing to disagree

That’s not trusting again even though you’ve been hurt…

He looked at me and said aren’t you a little old to believe in fairytales?

And I looked at him and smiled and said….Love is a fairytale and that’s always worth believing in….

Shelter

Photo Credit: Frieze Photography

This is my first "Friday Love" as a married woman. So, I have decided to share the first poem I ever wrote for my husband. The same poem I recited to him before we took our vows. 

No one seems to understand our hashtag

 But me and you

No one seems to get our jokes

But me and you

And that’s exactly where we came up with it-

'Cause we will always be “Demtu”

Demtu people that people just don’t understand

Demtu people that rock out to “Classic Man”

Demtu people who break out in a dance

Demtu people who can just hold hands

Demtu people who didn’t work out with other people

'Cause they just weren’t us

They weren’t meant to be

See, He wasn’t You

And She wasn’t Me

But thank God for the lessons learned

For the bridges burned

And the scars we earned

We’re better for it

Truthfully, I don’t think we would have appreciated

This kind of joy

Without that kind of pain

Today, I take your last name

And roll away the Stone

I choose to make a Harrison home

And embark on this resurrection of our new life

Not just your best friend, but your wife

I will be your “Shelter” in this life