Pledge

Tomorrow will mark one year of marriage for my husband and I. I always wanted to be married. I always wanted to have kids. I just wasn't quite sure how I would get there. I was what you would call a "serial dater." I did have a few serious relationships that taught me very valuable lessons, though I did not appreciate the lessons at that time. I learned what I liked and what I didn't. I learned what I could tolerate and what I wouldn't. Most importantly, I learned about myself. When I got tired of dead-end relationships and serial dating, I found myself praying for my future husband, not knowing it was someone I already knew. I prayed with expectation. I spent time alone, waiting for God's best. I did not date or waste my time with placeholders. I waited. And he came shortly after I started my prayers. Let me encourage those of you who are still waiting, at the end of yourself is God, and in God is everything you desire. On August 19th, 2016 I pledged my life and love to Mr. Gustave Harrison. By far one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life that all started with a prayer. I literally went from a prayer to a pledge. 

Proud

Peacocks are such regal creatures. They have been used as symbols of immortality, beauty, and pride. The males shake their trains to attract females to mate with them. They strut around with their beautiful plumage for all to see.  We are sometimes like peacocks. We strut around boasting about our possessions and promotions. We expect accolades for our accomplishments. We are a proud people. We are taught to lift ourselves up by our bootstraps and make it happen. The truth is most of our success is not of our own doing. We did not do it alone. We had help. Our predecessors paved the way. Our parents carried us. Our friends supported us. It was a collective effort. Acknowledgment keeps us humble. Be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished, but always remember those who helped you along the way. 

"The proud person always wants to do the right thing, the great thing. But because he wants to do it in his own strength, he is fighting not with man, but with God."- Soren Kierkegaard

Happily Ever After

I love all things Disney. I love Mickey Mouse. I have a collection of Minnie Mouse Ear Headbands. And while I love Disney, it is partially the reason why some of us have disillusions about love. Disney for all intents and purposes invented the fairytale and mass marketed it to little girls. We believed that "Someday our Prince would Come," and we would live "Happily Ever After." At least, that's how it worked out in the movies. Our parents didn't always remind us that it was "make believe." Some of us still have this notion that our "fairy godmother" is going to fix everything, so we can go to the ball. I'm not saying that your "happily ever after" won't happen. I am saying that you have to be realistic in your search and your expectations. Your Prince Charming might be a little sarcastic. Your Princess might have a little baggage. I'm saying that just because you're not married with kids doesn't mean you won't be. 

He looked at me and said aren’t you a little old to believe in fairytales?

And I looked at him and smiled…  and even though I wanted to yell …“no”

I explained to him that ever since we are little girls, we are taught to wait on our knight in shining armor,

Though they never told us that his armor might be a little tarnished

Or that in his search for you there were many other princesses who fit into your glass shoe

And that before sleeping with you he was sleeping with Beauty

Mama never told us that our Prince Charming just might be a Beast

And sometimes it easier for him to save a damsel in distress

Than to stress himself over our unrealistic expectations

To rescue us from towers of insecurities of our own creation

All because the last prince made promises he never intended to keep

I wanted to tell him that you’re never too old to believe in fairytales

As long as you know that nobody’s perfect

And happily ever after usually follows a slew of broken spells,

And some heartache and pain, and that’s just on the surface

That’s not all the soul searching or death defying tasks that only true love would ask

That’s not getting on bended knee with the possibility of you rejecting me, all in hopes loving eternally….

That’s not accepting your kids as my own, and making a home

That’s not forgiveness, or agreeing to disagree

That’s not trusting again even though you’ve been hurt…

He looked at me and said aren’t you a little old to believe in fairytales?

And I looked at him and smiled and said….Love is a fairytale and that’s always worth believing in….

Mutual

My mother always told me, "start something the way you want to finish it." I have applied that bit of wisdom to most of my relationships. I am aware that sometimes circumstances spiral out of control. Things happen. Life happens. People grow apart. Intentions are misunderstood. Emotions are miscommunicated. Sometimes, an apology is not enough. The damage is done. However, there are occasions when your affinity towards someone is mutual. You are equally vested in making the relationship work. You are both willing to take the risk and be emotionally vulnerable. Love is not just about being mutually exclusive. "Love is an attempt at penetrating another being, but it can only succeed if the surrender is mutual."- Octavio Paz

Unapologetic

In a world filled with apologies, regrets, and woulda coulda shouldas, I can always appreciate someone who stands their ground. I love a straight shooter. Someone who speaks truth when it hurts. Someone who cares more about my future than my feelings. Someone who gives it to me straight, no chaser. I understand that sometimes a little "fluff" is necessary, and truth is not everyone's cup of tea. I understand that sometimes "alternative facts" are better than reality. I can't be anyone else, but me. You can't be anyone else, but you. Live your life with no regrets. No woulda coulda shouldas. Be deliberate in your actions. Outspoken in your words. No apology necessary. Be a truth teller, unapologetic. Be you. 

Hallmark

I consider myself a very goal-oriented person. I believe that things should be done with a spirit of excellence, and I hold my friends and family to a certain standard. Of course, I have fallen short and missed the mark, and so have my family and friends. It happens, but it shouldn't be an expectation or the standard. We should all have a hallmark in which we are judged. A gold standard. As a child, I knew what my academic expectations were every school year. As an adult,  I knew what my company goals consisted of and any upcoming deadlines.  In my marriage, we have personal and individual goals, and we hold each other accountable. What's your hallmark? What does your gold standard look like personally and professionally? Who do you have to hold you accountable? 

Listen

Life is full of distractions that often cause us to lose focus on what really matters. We have jobs that blur the work-home line. We have parasitic relationships that drain our energy. We have white noise that drowns out our inner voice. We ignore physical signs and refuse to listen to our bodies. We rarely listen to our first mind, and we totally disregard our heart. Listen. Before it's too late. Listen to that small still voice. Listen to your body. Listen to your heart.